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Hello! My name is Samantha (Sammie) Paul. I am a junior advertising major with a minor in computational technology. I love my m...
Hey Sammie! This is honestly one of the best introductions and story ideas I’ve seen so far. It’s super easy to read but is still super descriptive and really captures my attention. This is an incredibly unique story, and I can already tell that it’s gonna be a wild ride! Your descriptions of the assistants were great, but once they all started talking I got kinda lost. There’s a bunch of dialogue in the middle and I think it would flow better with a bit of action in between the words and descriptions of the character’s motions and emotions. Also, for the last line I think you could say “And with a booming voice that echoed throughout the room, Zeus said “Let’s get started”. I think the Let’s Get Started would just be a really great ending line. Overall it looks really awesome and I am excited to see where this story ends up.
ReplyDeleteHi Sammie, I really enjoyed reading your story! Your story is very well written and is easy to follow. My comments are regarding your first story: The Astrologer. I really like how you incorporated the teaching assistants. I think this creates a really cool dynamic that is both humorous and realistic. I can picture some of the teaching assistants I know having a similar bickering conversation! Also, I like the comparison to actual research. You might perform an experiment unsuccessfully for hours but just one glimpse of success makes it all worth it. I also liked how you broke this story into two parts. It definitely does build suspense and makes the reader excited the read the second part. I also think you did a great job at developing the characters. You provided enough detail to make us feel connected to the character but not too much as to bore the reader. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi, Sammie! I really enjoyed reading your stories and to learn more about what your project for this class is going to be. I think that your story idea is extremely original without being awkward, and I have never seen anyone do this story idea before. It is definitely one of the best story ideas I have seen all semester. I can tell from your description that the stories are going to be full of adventures, and I look forward to reading them. I do agree with Hayley that some action words in between all the dialog in the story "The Astrologer" would make the story flow just a little bit better. I also really like the pictures you have been choosing to post along with your stories and other assignments. I think they all connect in some way and help aid in the telling of your stories. I do like that there is comparison between your work and the actual research that you have done, and I like the amount of detail that is provided in each story. You give just the right amount so that your readers feel connected to the story without feeling bored or tired. I look forward to reading your stories throughout the semester and I wish you luck for the Fall!
ReplyDeleteHey Sammie. I really enjoyed your Astrologer story. Reading about astrologist is something I have never done so to read about one in your story made it cool to see. I really like how you gave background on your main character and even small amounts of background on your other characters. I also like the powers the doctor has because it gives him a certain element in the story. The fact that the three students didn't want to be there with the doctor shows how boring looking at the stars can be some nights, however Alison stayed and got to experience something amazing with the doctor. The doctor knew there was something special about that night and with Alison staying with him and grabbing his shoulder it made it true. I am completely hooked by your story and want to know more of what happens to the doctor and his student because to be put in their situation would be interesting.
ReplyDeleteHi Sammie!
ReplyDeleteI've heard bits and pieces of Greek mythology throughout the years either from school or the books I've read, but I feel like I've gained a lot of knowledge from these two short stories already! I appreciate the information you include in the stories and in the author's notes regarding the relationships between some of the gods. I love your idea of bringing mortals to Mount Olympus to have them interject their point of view. It would be pretty crazy to share an opinion with people who have thousands of years of life experience on you. I feel like The Astrologer provided the perfect introduction to your storybook and to your characters. Everything seemed to flow well and you did a great job of showing different qualities of each character through their dialogues.
I also deeply enjoyed reading through the Airing of Grievances. I especially liked your portrayal of Zeus, it reminded me of the jolly Zeus that you see in the old animated Hercules movie haha. With that said, I felt like this story wasn't as fluid as your initial one. There were a handful of places where I felt like future, present, and past tense got a little mixed up. As I read through, those spots kind of took away from truly experiencing the world you've created there so you may look into reading through and fixing those.
Other than that I loved your storybook idea and the direction it's heading now. I look forward to reading the next chapters!
Hi Sammie, I really enjoyed reading this part of the story! I think you did a great job transitioning from The Astrologer to Airing of Grievances. I was easily able to follow along and stay connect to the story. I think you did a great job at personalizing the characters. For example, you take the traditional view of Zeus as a powerful god but you also make him fun, welcoming, and exciting. I think this provides a really unique perspective to your story. I also like how you narrated Allison’s and Lucas’ reaction to entering Mount Olympus. You also did a great job at including bits of humor throughout your story. Including elements of humor and today’s issues, I think, really helps connect the reader to the story. The ending is great! I love how you continued your theme of leaving the story in suspense. I am excited to read about what happens next
ReplyDeleteHi Sammie! I just read your story "The Astrologer"! I like how you decided to give the Astrologer more of a background and describe him in more detail than the original story does. I personally think that is always a good thing and can help the reader better understand your story! I found the way you wrote so interesting and it really drew me into your story. There was a great use of dialogue in your story as well as some humor which I can always appreciate in any type of story. It was also so cool how you in a way transported the readers and your characters into a different story/dimension in your own story. Good job and I'm excited to read the rest!
ReplyDeleteHello! I think that the concept of your Storybook is really interesting! So far in this class, I haven’t seen anything else like it! From the title, I was trying to figure out what the Storybook would be about. It definitely peaked my interest and I am excited to read about it. I really enjoyed the amount of descriptive detail that you provided in both of your stories. It is nice when stories have this because it makes it much easier to picture exactly what is going on. Great job! I love the way that The Astrologer ended. It made me want to read even more! Is there a reason why you chose for the story to end with meeting Zeus? Is every story in the storybook going to lead to a different mythology person? I think that this something that you could include in the author’s notes. I also really liked Airing of Grievances. I like how much dialogue there is, but maybe you could incorporate longer paragraphs or longer text for each person. There is a lot of shifting of person to person, so this may create more clarity. Overall, you have a great storybook and I will be back to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Sammie! I really like how I was able to learn a bit about some of the characters/Constellations in "Airing of Grievances." I always think it is interesting to learn a bit about Greek mythology, and I appreciated that your story had some details about the mythological figures you used without explaining everything about them. I am looking forward to reading your next story after the ending of this one. When the orb cracked, I thought the universe might explode or something, so I am intrigued to see if there any repercussions from the orb being harmed. I also am looking forward to learning more about Sisyphus's history and how he will impact the other characters, especially Lucas, after his dramatic entrance. I would like to learn more about Aesop's "The Astrologer" and what the original story is like. I have not read it, so I do not know what you are basing your stories on and how different they are from one another. Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Sammie,
ReplyDeleteI am loving your storybook thus far! This is the first week I have had the opportunity to read it, and I am really impressed. Your first story has done a great job of introducing us to the main characters, as well making them relatable to the reader, especially since this is for a college class. The second story flips the familiarity of the first story on its head as you show us just how different the human characters are from the gods. I loved the way that you portrayed and described Zeus’s interactions with the professor and Allison. It really made the two humans seem small and out of place. Then you manage to make the gods seem almost childish which I think is a nice contracts to their power and might. I think the wow moment for me was probably when the globe rolled off onto the floor. I didn’t expect this at all, and then using the broken shackles imagery gave the reader a lot to imagine in only a few words. Great job! I wonder if in the next story we will get to learn why Sisyhus was shackled in the first place. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
-Cat
Hey Sammie! I really enjoyed your introduction and the way you've chosen to tie stories together. Humans have been studying the skies for millennia and looking to the stars for signs, so the thought of having a professor do the same is interesting and enjoyable. Also, making your "seer" a professor gives him some extra credibility, and the scattered feel that you've given him makes him all the more realistic. I enjoyed the way you've connecteded the introduction and first story together, and I love how you ended the first story with an immediate tie into the second. I was curious if the TA will play a large role, or if she's just sort of along for the ride? Also, I wondered why she was invited along to the meeting? Lucas is a descendent of Hermes, but would she, as a mortal, even survive such an encounter? Will it have negative effects on her to spend time in the presence of the gods? Overall, I'm excited to continue reading!
ReplyDeleteHi Sammie,
ReplyDeleteI just read The Astrologer, and I love that you modernized the story. You have lots of details, and I like that they sort of act as a red herring. Getting all the background on the students and the location really made the sudden transportation to Olympus (I'm assuming) even more sudden, and it really lets the reader be just as surprised as the characters. I also really like the description of why the professor likes to look at the stars because it's a great callback to the original story, and it can be taken really mystically and literally, but it's also relatable. Anyone can look up and find constellations in the sky and reminisce on old myths and stories. Great job!
I love how you have modernized the stories. I love the spin of making the astrologer be able to see the future through the stars and then add the element of surprise by making him a descendant of Hermes is cool too. How funny that the other students who complained so much had to miss out on all the good stuff. It would be funny to get to sit in on the gods airing their grievances. I love the photo you used on your second story, really beautiful & gives a good feel to the story. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAwesome job! I think you have one of the most enjoyable storybooks I've read so far. Your characters are very deep and well-developed through their dialogue. Yet, that deep focus on your characters didn't keep you from bringing in largely fantastical elements. I myself love stories that incorporate over-the-top supernatural elements. I really liked how Lucas, as a well-renowned professor, has to conceal his abilities since they don't fit into the mainstream scientific community. As for the Airing of Grievances, it was awesome to have all of the constellations there as personified beings. I also thought it was really cool how they had the entire Universe concealed in a tiny little orb to allow them to exercise their cosmic powers over it. That's an example of one of the wildly fantastical elements that I enjoyed. Sisyphus' breaking out of the Underworld definitely put me on a cliffhanger. I'm excited to see what's next!
ReplyDeleteHey Sammie, I really like what you have done with your Storybook project! The new plotline for the astrologer that you have imagined is rich and captivating. Having this story as the central connective plot facilitates the injection of retellings and influence from other stories nicely. One aspect of the project that you might be able to improve is your use of illustrations. In the first two stories, the image included comes at the end of the text, so it provides an after effect more than anything else. In the third story, the image comes first, and this helps it provide a little more influence to the story. However, I think these images might be more powerful if included within the text. There are a number of points where you have excellent descriptive imagery, like were you describe the grand chamber, that might be further enhanced with an illustration. Overall, this is a great storybook and I am excited to see where you take the story!
ReplyDeleteHi Sammie! I read your “The Astrologer” story. Wow it was truly amazing and creative. I personally have been interested in astrology, so it really drew my interest. I like how the professor described his passion: “It’s like the stars are speaking a foreign language and I am one of the few who can translate what they are saying.” This is a good way to explain to people who don’t know his field much. This is a really insightful reflection about the stars: “Ever since I can remember, the stars have given me visions, messages and codes. I spent the majority of my life analyzing them and finding what is almost always a chart of the future.” I think this is what astrology essentially is. I also like the interesting conversations between Garrett and Libby. I wonder what if would have been if people like Lucas was cynical about astrology and the stars. I bet the story would have been very different. Thank you for a great story!
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